Pork & Chicken Liver Pate, Caponata, Savoury Muffins

While out walking in the woods one fine day, Pat felt at unease with himself. Birds were singing, squirrels were gathering nuts and a pretty little butterfly was breaking into a ferocious sweat trying to keep up with Pat and his pace. Yet despite all of these beautiful acts of nature, something was amiss. Perhaps it was the blob of custard that he had accidentally put his elbow in while sitting down to dinner with Helga. Ah Helga, how he loved her, sadly she didn’t love him. She liked him and they had know each other for quite some time, but she could never fall for him the way he had fallen for her, literally, he slipped on a sausage the first time making lunch for her. Sadly a hot pan went airborne and resulted in Helga having to take a Sunday drive to the emergency room for some stitches. Helga found it quiet charming in a way, he made her laugh and cry, a lot like a good movie but it was the 4 days in bed with chronic gastroenteritis she could not forgive after he cooked her a valentine meal.

Yep, Pat was not exactly a culinary genius or so he thought. And, as he walked home that afternoon he could feel his one true friend, hunger, calling. At home and wondering what to eat, Pat decided that, while he was thirsty AND hungry he would combine both acts and make a savoury smoothie for himself.

Pat began to gently cook a chopped onion, some garlic and celery in lard until soft, he then added some pork mince, he had just under 500g and felt that this smoothie would help in giving him some energy on such a day. After colouring the mince, he added 170g of chicken livers and continued to cook until the livers were cooked through and gave it a good seasoning with salt, pepper, chilli powder and smoked paprika, before accidentally spilling a glass of red wine on top. Reaching for the blender, Pat transferred the contents of the pan to the blender and blitzed its contents, adding butter, sherry and crème fraiche and some herbs - parsley, thyme and chive, I believe. Giving it another season, Pat was at awe with the consistency, it had turned smooth and thick, perhaps too thick to drink? He mixed in some cranberries he had been soaking in whiskey when suddenly he heard his front door open. Startled, Pat heard his name being called. It was Helga! She had just been released from hospital again, and after some thought, she felt that as Pat was the only male left in the village, she should probably just marry him, but she would do all the cooking. On hearing Helga coming down the hall, Pat panicked, he did not want her to see that he was doing another terrible thing in the kitchen, he poured his ‘smoothie’ into a cake tin he had lined earlier, for no apparent reason, and covered it with more greaseproof before hiding it in the fridge and putting some heavy bowls and plates on top, making it harder to find.

The next day, Helga awoke (well they are engaged now!) and went to the fridge. Thinking that Pat had, yet again, stacked the dishes in the wrong place, she began to unload the fridge. On discovery of the baking dish, she unwrapped the cling film and removed the greaseproof. What Helga found was perhaps the greatest thing Pat had ever made - a rich buttery Pate. Helga melted some butter and poured it over the top and returned it to the fridge to set, once the butter had hardened, Helga made sure to remove the Pate from the fridge at least 30mins before serving it with some cornichons and salad (and a beautiful Sourdough made by Mrs Salty Squid!). Perhaps she would let Pat do the cooking from now on, she thought to herself.


As the other two dishes are a bit on the heavy side and also a bit light on the veggie side, I though I would try to bring balance if not to the world, at least our world on a Friday eve.

This goes beyond easy. All your veg is to be chopped small or diced or whatever you want to call it. First up, chop the aubergine and season with salt. Leave it to stand while you prep the rest of the veg. Cook your onion, celery and garlic over a low heat, now wipe the moisture from the aubergine with a paper towel and add to the pan, followed by the 2 courgettes and the chopped red and yellow peppers. Continue to cook before adding some chopped tomatoes that have been peel and de-seeded if you are bothered, or not, if you are not bothered. Continue to cook slowly until all the veggies are cooked but not mushy. Serve it with some nice bread.

I will hold my hands up and surrender. I have cheated and before I get accused of trying to lie to you all, let me at least have the opportunity to explain myself. You see, the best thing about these Savoury muffs, is that well, they didn’t impact on our 15eur budget. We had all the ingredients already sitting around, from the flour, eggs and milk to the out of date blue cheese in the freezer – where I also found the grapes. The basil we are growing here and the other cheeses were kinda in the fridge. Every time I opened the fridge door, they all looked at me with such hope and excitement that this time I would take them out and cook with them. Eat them for carrots sake that is what they are there for! I thought to myself. Alas, I could not deny them their destiny any more. But I can bet that you can make up these with anything you have lying around the house. There are no rules, so perhaps you have an amazing tapas dish sitting in your kitchen waiting to be made! So go check, after of course, you have read the rest of the entry and left some sort of obscene comment.

You want to get a lot of air into these so borrow you neighbours ladder and sift 275g flour, a tablespoon of baking powder into a bowl. Come down from the roof and return the ladder to your neighbour. Beat one egg and the milk together and gently fold into the flour mix – you should have added a pinch of salt first though, I was supposed to say it after the ‘baking powder into a bowl’ sentence but I forgot and was too lazy to go back and change it.

Now divide the mixture in 2 and add some crumbled blue cheese and frozen grapes to one half of the mix and some grated mature Wexford cheddar, pecorino and basil to the other. Mix and spoon into muffin cases, greased ramekins or whatever you have handy. Cook at 200c for about 20 mins.

Shopping List:
Pork & Chicken Liver €5.20
Cranberries and veg €8.50
Salad €2.00
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Total €15.50

Drinks:
Cidre Fermier de Normandie, Brut, 4,5%

On the stereo:
Lali Puna, The National, The Beach OST